Falling Apart In Prayer So You Don’t Fall Apart in Life

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted. I’m planning on using the blog in the new year mainly to clip and comment on quotes I accumulate (as was my practice in the past). Here’s one from Haddon Robinson. He makes the point that Jesus’ struggle in prayer at Gethsemane helped him to stand fast in his trial and crucifixion:

Where was it that Jesus sweat great drops of blood? Not in Pilate’s Hall, nor on his way to Golgotha. It was in the Garden of Gethsemane. There he ‘offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save him from death’ (Hebrews 5:7). Had I been there and witnessed that struggle, I would have worried about the future. ‘If he is so broken up when all he is doing is praying,’ I might have said, ‘what will he do when he faces a real crisis? Why can’t he approach this ordeal with the calm confidence of his three sleeping friends?’ Yet, when the test came, Jesus walked to the cross with courage, and his three friends fell apart and fell away.”

September 3, 2019

Some of the Best Sermons I Have Ever Heard, Part 1

Jeremy and I decided that we would dedicate a few posts to sharing our favorite sermons, conference messages, talks, and movies. This post has links to ten sermons that made a big impact on my life. This was inspired by a post we came across HERE. Jeremy will have a list of his own. I decided to limit each speaker to two sermons. I could list dozens of Tim Keller, John Piper, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and Jeremy Beck sermons that impacted me in major ways over the years. This list contains sermons by pastors who lived (several are still living) recently enough to be recorded on audio. The list isn’t in any particular order.

If you’ve got a favorite sermon you’d like to share, please do so in the comments.

John Piper, The Pleasure of God in All That He Does HERE

When I first heard this sermon, I was new to the idea of God’s sovereignty. And I was learning about this crazy idea called “Christian Hedonism.” That crazy idea would change my life. In this sermon, John Piper does a wonderful job of showing the absolute sovereignty of God in all of creation and the pleasure of God in all his works. This sermon, along with Piper’s talk, Is God Less Glorious Because He Ordained That Evil Be?, helped lead me to echo the words of Jonathan Edwards: “Absolute sovereignty is what I love to ascribe to God. But my first conviction was not so.”

Fred Craddock, Cloud of Witnesses HERE

Jeremy and I learned about Fred Craddock in 2018. I wish we’d learned of him earlier. During a phone conversation, Jeremy said, “You’ve got to listen to this ‘Cloud of Witnesses’ sermon. It may be the best sermon ending I’ve ever heard.” He was right. Craddock was a master of sermon endings. And the ending of this sermon is not only the best ending to a Craddock sermon I’ve heard, it may be the best ending I’ve heard period. If you want to learn how to end a sermon, study this man’s preaching.

John MacArthur, Making Decisions on Non-Moral Issues HERE

This sermon impacted me because my early years as a Christian were spent in a somewhat legalistic environment that majored on strict ideas about non-moral issues. MacArthur’s distinction between moral and non-moral issues caused a major paradigm shift in the way I think. So many arguments within Christianity happen precisely because we fail to make this distinction.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: General Consideration HERE

Spiritual Depression is probably the best sermon series I’ve ever read or listened to. Every sermon has moments that are pure gold. This introductory sermon is gold all the way through. In it, Lloyd-Jones unpacks what it looks like to preach to yourself when your soul is cast down. I can’t imagine my life had I not heard this sermon.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Christ in the Heart HERE

I remember reading this sermon in Lloyd-Jones’ book, The Unsearchable Riches of Christ. Based on Ephesians 3:17, MLJ asks the question, Since the Ephesians were already Christians, why would Paul pray that Christ would dwell in their hearts? MLJ’s answer – there are different levels of Christian experience. Paul is wanting the Ephesians to experience a new level. He uses a wonderful Spurgeon quote, which I’ve used many times in my ministry, to summarize the idea:

My brethren, there is a point in grace as much above the ordinary Christian, as the ordinary Christian is above the worldling. Believe me, the life of grace is no dead level, it is not a fen country, a vast flat. There are mountains, and there are valleys. There are tribes of Christians who live in the valleys, like the poor Swiss of the Valais, who live in the midst of the miasma, where fever has its lair, and the frame is languid and enfeebled. Such dwellers in the lowlands of unbelief are for ever doubting, fearing, troubled about their interest in Christ, and tossed to and fro; but there are other believers, who, by God’s grace, have climbed the mountain of full assurance and near communion. Their place is with the eagle in his eyrie, high aloft.

This sermon left me wanting a deeper and more intimate experience of Christ. I think of it often.

Tim Keller, The Word Made Flesh HERE

In this sermon on John 1, Keller does what he does best: He sets forth the glory of Christ in a succinct and clear way. He paints a vivid picture of what it means that “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” In taking on flesh, Christ became vulnerable, he became killable, and having done so, he empathizes with us. The story Keller tells about a surgery tech changing the way he treated patients after he became a patient himself and had to lay on the table is one of the best illustrations I’ve ever heard about the empathy of Christ.

Tim Keller, The Longing for Home HERE

Put simply, this sermon made me long for heaven and helped me understand myself better. I’ve been asked why I like Tim Keller’s preaching so much. One of my answers is that he not only addresses “felt needs,” he addresses needs that you don’t even know you feel. The feeling may be lying there almost dormant, then Keller puts a name on it and you realize it’s there. I am quick in recent years to say that I get homesick fairly often. I moved away from home fifteen years ago. But before I heard this sermon, I didn’t realize I was homesick. I felt it, but I didn’t realize I felt it. Keller made me realize that I felt it. I don’t think the word “homesick” is used much anymore, but I think those of us who feel it need to admit it. It’s a feeling we’re supposed to have, and it’s supposed to point us to our need for Christ and our true home in heaven.

Jeremy Beck, This is a Hard Saying, Who Can Listen to It? HERE

This is the sermon that made me ask Jeremy, “What are you doing?” It was powerful. It was biblical. But it was also art. Based on Jesus’ hard saying’ in John 6, Jeremy asks, “Why was Jesus so bold? Why did he show no fear of offending people with his teaching?” His answer: Jesus trusts his father so totally that he absolutely believes that those whom the Father has chosen will come to him. This gives Jesus boldness to speak the truth and demand that believers count the cost before they come to him. Jeremy reinforces this with a great chorus from the movie Whiplash. Every time I find myself struggling or slumping in the faith now, I remind myself, “The next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.”

Jeremy Beck, Troubled to Comfort Others HERE

I vividly remember the first time I heard this sermon. It floored me. Hearing about Spurgeon hearing his own chains clank as he preached to his fellow prisoners. Hearing about a short story writer having to write about her biggest regret in life. Hearing about the purpose God has in our struggles. Hearing about how God comforts us in our chains and biggest regrets so that we can use his comfort to comfort and minister to others. Jeremy likes to say that God wants to take our greatest pain and make it our greatest ministry. He crystallizes that idea in this sermon and actually made me want to live it out.

Francis Chan, Don’t Focus on the Family HERE

This sermon made a big impact on me because of an illustration and an idea. In the illustration, Chan uses a story about a child to show the importance of active obedience to God that goes beyond prayer and Bible study. As for the idea, Chan points us to the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:29: “From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none.” This sermon reminded me that as important as the life of a family is, it should never hinder us from doing the work and ministry that God has called us to do. It’s something I have to remind myself often.

December 3, 2018

Willpower

This is one of the most informative nonfiction books I’ve ever read:

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney.

In this book John Tierney documents the results of years of research by Roy Baumeister on the subject of willpower. He gives tons of great anecdotes about experiments and observations. But this post will cover only my major takeaways.

1) Your willpower is finite and becomes depleted each time you use it.

2) You use the same reserve of willpower for everything you do (see p. 35).

3) Sleep and glucose replenish the reserve.

I’ll unpack those points briefly. Like a car has a gas tank, the authors argue, you have a willpower tank. And it only has a certain capacity. Once you empty the tank any given day, you’re running on empty until you get food and sleep.

How do you empty the tank? Every time you do something that takes an act of willpower, you lose some from the tank. Acts that take willpower include anything that requires you controlling your thoughts, emotions, impulses, and performance.

The authors make a big deal of the fact that people tend to be more prone to pop off on spouses and children after an especially hard day at work. The willpower tank is empty at the end of the day. That’s when you need to be careful.

In order to refill the tank you need glucose and sleep. A glass of lemonade, or preferably a good meal, can do wonders. So can a good night’s rest.

I’ve started thinking about willpower in terms of a bucket. You need to know when your willpower bucket is getting low. Remember that every time you perform some act of self control (even if you fail at that act), you’re taking a ladle-full (or more) of willpower out of the bucket. When the bucket gets low, it’s not a good time to go grocery shopping. Or to have a disciplinary meeting with a child. Or to have a serious discussion with your spouse or boss. Sleep on it first. Or at least have a good meal.

The authors recommend a few things to help us in battles of willpower:

Watch for symptoms (p. 245): Keep your mind on the bucket. If you recognizing that you’re close to flying off the handle, or binge eating, or whatever you may do when your willpower is depleted, take note. And get yourself out of the situation.
Pick your battles (p. 248): Don’t try to do a lot of willpower depleting activities at once. If you’re trying to quit smoking (and that’s going to be a huge act of will), that’s probably not a good time to also go on a major diet.
Develop steady habits: Once something becomes a habit, it no longer takes willpower.

One of the more interesting points (at least for me) the authors make is that repeat dieters often struggle because the body that has once experienced the depletion needed for a major diet will fight harder and harder to keep you from putting it through it again. The authors call dieting a major catch 22. Why? Because dieting takes willpower. And willpower needs glucose. And dieting restricts glucose.

Finally, the book gave me a new appreciation of Christ’s experience in his temptation with Satan. It’s not mentioned in the book, but I couldn’t help but think of it. Satan came to him while he was on an extended fast. When his willpower was at his lowest. But he had a food that Satan didn’t understand:
“My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work” (John 4:34). That was his ultimate source of willpower. We need that type of communion with God to keep our buckets full as well.

November 29, 2018

How to Get People to Convince Themselves to Do the Right Thing

Recent Reading: Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything – Fast by Michael Pantalon.

I’ve already used Pantalon’s technique in my counseling ministry. And everyone I’ve shared it with has found it helpful. On top of that, it’s really simple.

You use, “on a scale of 1 to 10, how badly/much..?” Then you follow up by asking the person why they chose that number instead of a lower one.

Here are a few examples.

1) Let’s say I’m counseling a husband who is neglecting his wife and ruining his marriage. I want to counsel this man to become a better husband. As a pastor, I would give biblical imperatives and pray for this man, of course. But then comes Pantalon’s instant influence technique. I would ask the man, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly do you want your marriage to continue and thrive?”

If the man answers something like “7.” I would then ask, “Why did you pick such a high number? Why didn’t you say ‘3’ or ‘4?'” This would set a context in which the man I’m counseling would then begin to reason with himself (out loud) about why he wants his marriage to work. You’re setting up a scenario where he can convince himself to make the right decision. He may begin telling you how much he loves his wife. And how he can’t imagine himself living without her. And how he realizes he’s been messing up and knows that he needs to do better. And by the time he leaves the office, he’s already preached a sermon to himself. You just played the role of instigator.

I recently heard someone say, “No one will ever reject their own conclusion.” If you let a person argue himself into making a choice, he is not going to reject the conclusion he comes to in his own mind. So that’s the goal. You’re pushing the person toward a desired outcome.

2) Another example. Let’s say your daughter doesn’t want to do her homework. You ask her, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly do you want to do your homework?” Let’s say she answers with “3.” Then you would say something like, “So you picked a 3. That’s actually higher than I expected. Why didn’t you pick 2 or 1?” Her answer then may be something like, “Well, if I don’t do it, I know I’m going to get a bad grade, and I don’t need a bad grade right now. And, I guess I sort of do need to do it…” And before you know it, she’s working on her homework. Because she’s convinced herself (with your help) to do it.

As a pastor, I would obviously begin any scenario with counsel from the Bible. But I’ve found it rather easy to tie this process into biblical counseling situations. It’s especially helpful because you can use it in virtually any scenario. From counseling a husband who isn’t fulfilling his duties, to trying to get your child to do her homework, to trying to convince a committee to follow a plan you think is best, the instant influence process is helpful.

3) Another example. Let’s say you’re talking to someone who’s very discontent with their job and you want to nudge them toward contentment. You could ask them, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much to you like your job?” If they say “2,” then ask them why they didn’t say “1.” This will at least provoke them to start saying a few things they actually do like about their job. Ideally, this would lead to the person convincing himself that his job isn’t really as bad as he thinks when he takes a step back and looks at the big picture. He may be so busy focusing on the negatives that he’s never taken the time to do this before.

If you give this a try, regardless of the scenario, give me a comment to let me know how this worked for you.

November 28, 2018

The Six Principles of Influence

In his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini lays out six key principles of influence. Each of these principles describe key factors in how people are influenced. This post will list the six principles and give a brief description of each. I recommend the book highly. I’ve added it to our Recognizing Christ Recommends page. It’s a tough read but there’s a ton of good stuff in it.

The six principles are:

Reciprocation
Commitment and Consistency
Social Proof
Liking
Authority
Scarcity

1. Reciprocation is the basic principle of quid pro quo (the voice of Hannibal Lecter shows up in my mind as I type those words): “I did something for you, now you do something for me.” People will use this on you all the time. I’m sure you’ve met people who you don’t want to take a favor from because you know they’ll expect something in return. The key to countering the principle of reciprocation (the way to say “no” after someone’s evoked something they did for you in the past) is to remember that if someone is using reciprocation as a “trick” in order to put you in their debt, then you have no obligation to go along with the trick. Cialdini calls this a simple act of “redefinition.” That person didn’t do you a favor. They tried to play a trick on you. Don’t be afraid to tell them so.

2. Commitment and Consistency is the principle that people will normally try to be consistent with previous commitments they’ve made. That is, let’s say, if you have previously committed to be a strong environmentalists, you’ll likely listen to the person who tries to get you to donate to some environmental organization. You’ll tend to be consistent with commitments you’ve previously made in your mind or with your words. But if that’s not a commitment of yours, then it’s not as big a deal. You will just tune them out.

Cialdini summarizes the principle: “Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision” (p. 57).

He uses a fascinating illustration involving American prisoners of war in WWII. The Chinese government knew that most of these soldiers wouldn’t betray their country. So instead of asking them to simply trash the U.S. in writing, they started with small requests and worked their way up. They started by saying, “Is America perfect?” The soldier would inevitably answer, “No.” Once the soldier made that commitment, they would force him to be consistent with it: “You admit America is not perfect, so could you give us some examples of how it’s not perfect.” And then the onslaught begins. Well, we’re materialistic. We have a lot of lying politicians. Our prison system is broken, etc. So by the end of the conversation, their words are construed to present America as nothing but a bunch of greedy, lying, no good scoundrels. And propaganda is born. That’s how commitment and consistency can be used in a negative way.

3. Social Proof is the principle that we will look to the society or setting or context around us to validate whether or not we should do something. It’s the old “everybody’s doing it” idea. Cialdini uses the example of laugh tracks played during sitcoms. They’re cheesy. And I doubt anybody likes them. But all the research shows that they work. When we hear other people laughing, we’re more likely to laugh ourselves. Cialdini also uses Billy Graham as an example. He documents that Graham’s altar calls often involved “ringers” These people who were predetermined to go forward would serve to make other people feel more comfortable in going forward.

4. Liking is the principle that we are more likely to say “yes” to someone we actually like. Not much to say about this one. The way to counter this is that if you realize you’re only doing something because you like the person who wants that thing from you, you need to actually state that as your reason for saying no.

5. Authority is the principle that we will obey authority. If someone holds authority over you, you’re more likely to comply with what they want from you. The principle of defense here is to make sure someone is actually an authority before you accept their authority. If you’re inclined to listen to someone because they pose as an authority (let’s say they have a lot of degrees or have a big following or call themselves experts in their fields), do some digging to make sure they’re all that they claim to be. Fake degrees from garbage schools exist for a reason.

6. Scarcity is the principle that the possibility of losing, or not being able to acquire, something makes it more valuable. Cialdini actually starts this chapter with a quote by G.K. Chesterton: “The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” The principle can be summarized with this quote: “The idea of potential loss plays a large role in human decision making. In fact, people seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value” (p. 238).

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Knowing these principles of influence is helpful for the purpose of influencing people. But it’s equally as important for resisting unwanted influence. Salesmen want to use the scarcity principle on us to get us to buy something at a higher price than it’s worth. Or to get us to buy it now instead of waiting. They’ll get us to make verbal commitments and then implicitly calls us to be consistent with those commitments. You get the idea. Knowing is half the battle.