There are two things you should probably think twice about saying to someone who is going through a hard time: 1) It’s a tragedy and 2) Everything happens for a reason.
You shouldn’t say it is a tragedy because typically tragedies end without hope. To use Tolkien’s language, they are catastrophes without eucatastrophe. In other words, they are like law without gospel, or death without resurrection, or a cross without redemption. The idea of pure tragedy is certainly consistent with an atheistic way of looking at the world, but the Christian might think twice about this.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:13 ¶ But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.
We have hope. Let’s not act as though we don’t.
The opposite way of viewing such events is to say, ‘everything happens for a reason.’ My family has been through a tough time lately, so have lots of other families, and (this really happened) an agnostic tells me that everything happens for a reason. I thought about that. I believe that the Scriptures are infallible. I believe, ‘we know that all things work together for good to those who loved God and are called according to his purpose’ (Rom. 8:28). I believe that there was a ‘reason’ behind Joseph’s enslavement and imprisonment in Egypt:
- Psalm 105:16 When he summoned a famine on the land and broke all supply of bread, 17 he had sent a man ahead of them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave.
So, I ask, do you really know what you are saying when you say ‘everything happens for a reason?’ What reason?
The answer of Scripture is that the reason behind everything is the goal of the glory of God. And our pain glorifies God.
Recall the story of Elijah’s miracle of raising the widow’s son:
- 1 Kings 17:21 Then he stretched himself upon the child three times and cried to the LORD, “O LORD my God, let this child’s life come into him again.”
Elijah stretched out in anguish. He was desperate. He was perplexed. He wanted a miracle. That’s what tough times do to us, they cause us to stretch out on our beds in anguish. And we don’t always get the miracle.
Jesus told Peter that he would stretch out as well:
- John 21:18 Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”
Peter would die by crucifixion, to the glory of God:
- John 21:19 (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”
Jesus himself stretched his own hands out on a cross in anguish, feeling forsaken by God.
It all happened for a reason. But that doesn’t take away the fact that it is painful. It all happened for a reason. But that doesn’t take away the fact the glory of God is not cheap.
Learn the lesson of Job’s miserable comforters. Choose your words and actions carefully in dealing with those who are suffering. Don’t show your terrible theology in times like these, for even your good theology is terrible if you don’t know how to apply it. A hug is much better theology than ‘what a tragedy’ or ‘everything happens for a reason.’ And prayer is better still.
I think people say those things because they are trying to ease our sufferings. They want us to be happy and glad, yet, they are acting in a way that, in one sense, trivializes our pain, and they also seek to short circuit what God is doing in our lives. In other words, they are trying to fix the situation for us when they don’t have the power to do so, and they should look to God as we are doing.
With my recent trials, I really rejoiced when my father said to me, “don’t worry, you will get over it.” Then he corrected himself, “well, you may not ever get over the pain, but you will learn to live with it.” Those were much more comforting words than those who were trying to minimize the pain. It also help me see that my father is growing spiritually.
That’s a great story about your dad Timothy.
Thanks! It’s been a blessing to see him grow spiritually.